I Never Thought
by Wldwmn
Summary: One short take on a Jane/Lisbon first night together. Lisbon's POV. Rated T for tender lovins. If you'd like to see Jane's POV, please read the companion piece, "I Never Dreamed".


**Disclaimer: Sadly, "The Mentalist" doesn't belong to me. **

**Summary: One short take on a Jane/Lisbon first night together. Lisbon's POV. Rated T for tender lovins. If you'd like to see Jane's POV, please read the companion piece, "I Never Dreamed".**

**I Never Thought**

I never thought I'd take Patrick Jane into my bed. Yet here I am in nothing but my robe, sitting in my kitchen after hours of lovemaking. And I'm going over it in my mind and asking myself, what took me so long?

It's not because I wasn't attracted to him. I absolutely was. Jane is handsome and charming, who wouldn't be attracted?

It's not because I didn't like him as a person. For all his faults, and there are many, I've known for a while that he has a good heart underneath the callous actions and flippant remarks.

It's not even because of CBI policy. It's true that I'm a big stickler for the rules, but when it comes to personal lives I have a soft spot. I hate the idea of anyone losing a chance at real happiness because of the rules.

No, it wasn't any of those reasons. It was because I never thought Jane would want or be able to be with anyone other than his wife. The man still referred to himself as married, for goodness' sake. Whatever had been fake about his life and himself before we met, his love for his family was astoundingly and completely real.

But when he knocked on my apartment door, waited for me to answer and then said just three words – "I need you." – I was lost immediately. The warmth I'd developed for him over the years flooded my heart, and I pulled him out of the hall and into my arms.

I never thought he'd reach for me with such longing.

I never thought Patrick Jane would be such a generous and considerate lover. The man acts like he wants his own way more than anything in the world, so to have him be so concerned with my enjoyment was surprising. And wonderful.

I never thought I'd be so uninhibited during a first time with anyone. Cries of pleasure and moans of release issued forth freely from my lips, with not even a flutter of shyness. Gasping his name felt completely natural.

We ended up in a sweaty, sated tangle of limbs on my sheets. And I got to see something I never had before: Patrick Jane sleeping completely peacefully, nuzzling my hair as I tucked my head under his chin.

Two hours later, I woke up with a strong need for a glass of water. I wriggled out of his grasp, trying desperately not to wake him, and padded out here to my kitchen. The full moon was shining through the tiny window, and I stayed to look at it and think.

So here I sit, not even a little sorry but still wondering, where do we go from here? Is this a one-night stand, or the start of something deeper? Something that means I'd have so much more to lose.

I never thought I'd be worried about going back to my own bedroom to face the future.

I creep slowly back to him, lying on his side turned away from me in my bed. I reach down gently to stroke his arm, to see if he's awake, and am a little startled when he immediately grasps my hand.

"You left," he says, only the faintest trace of sleepiness still in his voice.

"I was thirsty and I needed to think. I'm back now." I answer, and let him pull me down on to the bed. He immediately wraps himself around me again. I never thought he'd be so tactile, so affectionate with me.

His eyes are clearly worried. "Look, I know we're not 100% sure about what this means for the two of us, but I need to know how you feel about it. Do you think it was a mistake?" The look he gives me pleads me not to say yes.

I never thought I'd see him look so vulnerable.

"No," I say, "I don't think that this was a mistake at all. I care about you. I wanted you to be able to find some comfort and get some nightmare-free sleep. I wanted to make love. We don't have to make any big decisions tonight. I just want you to know that from now on you never have to sleep alone again unless you want to. Not ever."

His hug almost crushes me, but I don't pull away. Then he kisses me so softly, and I can feel the tears running down his cheeks and onto mine.

And out of everything, everything that has happened tonight, I _know _I never thought Patrick Jane would let me wrap my arms around him and hold him while he cried.

**The End**

**A/N: Super short, I know. Hopefully not super bad. Thanks for reading!**


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